How to celebrate??

Skyler and I set a goal after our last visit to the endo to try to have an A1C below 7. At that visit it was 7.4.  The visit before was 7.9.

She was up for the challenge.

I told her that this was a long term goal and we may not reach it right away. Well, we just had a visit and her A1C was 6.9!!  Hooray!!!!!!!! Now I hadn't thought about how to celebrate this accomplishment so I asked Skyler what she thought and she immediately responded "ice cream!" Hmmmmm seems a bit silly to celebrate a great A1C with a treat like ice cream, but she is a kid and she did deserve it so ice cream it was. Two Scoops, chocolate syrup, and rainbow sprinkles!!!

Corn on the Cob

We are heading into summer and I, once again, can not get a grip on corn on the cob. Skyler's blood sugar goes bananas. I have stretched the bolus, I have increased the stretch, I have given a little up front and stretched the rest out, I have increased the up front and stretched the rest. You get the idea. I can't make it work.

Of course, the kid loves corn on the cob!!!

Any advice out there?

 It took me a while to master pizza, but I did after a good long time. Corn on the cob seems to be a tougher battle.

What is Hiding Behind Diabetes?

I have been going through a tough time with diabetes lately. If you read my last post about guilt, that  sums up the main reason for my recent sadness. I can usually pull myself out of D related sadness by being positive and finding the good hiding behind Diabetes.  This time, for some reason, I am taking longer to snap out of it.

In trying to understand and sort out my feelings I turned to my best friend. She is someone who "gets it." She has two healthy, beautiful children and besides Skyler (her Godchild) she does not have any other experience with diabetes. Somehow she "gets it." You know what I mean. She understands how I feel, she understands how difficult diabetes is, she understands what my fears are and how they make me feel. Her and her husband often find themselves in situations where they discuss how Skyler would have to handle, whatever it is, in a different way. She is an advocate for Skyler. She is an advocate for me. She knows me so well and cares so much that she will talk me through my difficult time and then come back to me hours or days later with more advice because she has been thinking about it or researching it.

 I find that most people don't "get it."  Many people think they understand, but they don't really take the time to ask questions, or read about diabetes, or put themselves in our situation. I don't want to waste my time being angry with  people who don't "get it." I would much rather put my time and energy being in awe of, and full of gratitude towards, those who do "get it." I am fortunate to have some of these people in my life.

I am always amazed by the understanding of my best friend, but really it simply comes down to the fact that she cares deeply for myself and my family. She has taken the time to think about our daily lives and because of that, can feel empathy. She pays attention when others are not. She is taking it all in and processing all of the little steps that Skyler and our family take to ensure her health and saftey. It matters to her. Skyler's health matters to her, Skyler's little girl feelings matter to her, and my feelings matter to her. She has also read about diabetes care and management as well as various blogs. She has taken the time to educate herself and to pay attention to myself and Skyler.

I should mention that her and I went to college together, moved to the same small town, married our husbands here, had our children here, and teach together here where our children go to school. Our families are like family, our children are growing up together and will forever have a special bond. Everything happens for a reason and I believe God put her here with me and made sure our paths met because I don't know what I would do without her.

I am working on pulling myself out of this funk.

 As I am looking for the good hiding behind diabetes, I find an unbelievable friendship that many people never have the opportunity to experience. I will never take this for granted and I pray that when she needs me to "get it" that I will.

I hope all of you reading this have someone in your life who "gets it." God knows we all need at least one.

Guilt

I am going through a new stage in the life of diabetes. I, lately, am overcome with guilt. I am putting this out there to the DOC because I wonder if this is common or if it is a feeling unique to me.

 I am a runner, I practice yoga, and I have a nice social life with great family and friends. As a mother I think it is important to make time for myself and the things that are important to me. Taking the time to do things is not what makes me feel guilty. When I am away from my kids they are always in good hands with people that love them.

The guilt has been coming from somewhere else. I find myself getting angry at myself for doing things with ease that would be so hard for Skyler.

I run, sometimes pretty far, but I don't have to consider my blood sugar during my run.  Running is something Skyler can do, but with more planning and prep, and it could prove to be dangerous.

I practice yoga, which would be fine for a diabetic, but lately I have been doing hot yoga (the room is heated to about 90 degrees). I love the class and I feel great after doing it - until the guilt sets in. Hot Yoga is something Skyler can do, but with a lot more planning and prep and it could prove to be dangerous.

I like to enjoy a few drinks with family and friends. Once again, something Skyler can do, but with more planning and prep and it could prove to be dangerous.

I feel guilty that I lived 32 years without the worry and stress of diabetes.  She only lived three years with that privilege. I feel guilty that I was always athletic, and never for one second thought about how lucky I was to be able to do all that I have done with ease.

I feel guilty that my daily life; eating, sleeping, driving, etc. is so much less complicated than my child's life will ever be. Shouldn't that be the other way around!!!!  That makes me feel guilty and so deeply sad.

Now she is old enough to know what my interests and hobbies are and to perhaps take an interest in some of the same things.This makes me wonder if it is unfair to be so active, and do so much, with such ease when everything will be so much harder for her.

Don't get me wrong. I will never stop her from doing anything and I will always help her figure out a way to do whatever it is she chooses. I just can't help feeling guilty that I don't have the same burden to bear.

When I question why God gave it to her and not me I tell myself, and have to believe, that there is a reason why and it has to be a positive reason because God doesn't make mistakes.

I have a very strong faith in God and amazing support from family and friends, but I still can't shake the guilt.

I have been through a variety of emotions attached to diabetes, but this is a new one, and is becoming a little overwhelming.

Blog Week Day 4 By Skyler

I could write a list of things I hate about diabetes that would be about a mile long, but decided to ask Skyler. Her first response was "everything" then I asked her to put a little more thought into it and here is what she came up with:

The Eight Things I Hate About Diabetes and Two Things That Make it Not So Bad

1. Checking my blood sugar when I am having fun.
2. Having to take it (meter and PDM) everywhere with me.
3. Checking every meal time and before I eat a snack.
4. Having to drink so many juices.
5. Changing my site ( the needle).
6. Having to come out of the lake to check my blood sugar.
7. Having to check my blood sugar in school.
8. Having blood drawn once a year.

Two Things that are not so bad

1. Starburst
2. Spending the night in Saratoga when I go to the doctor.

Blog Week Day 3: Two Bloopers

Blooper #1 - This one could have turned ugly, but luckily did not.

                        After a long day I was ready to crawl into bed when all of a sudden I hear beep, beep. I look at my husband and we are both confused. It can't be Skyler I just checked her, we don't have any alarms set, and we don't have a CGM. Hmmmmm. I lay back down. A few minutes later beep, beep. Now I get up and walk through the downstairs of the house and can't find anything beeping. One more beep, beep and it hits me like a ton of bricks!! It is her pump! I suspended it to make a settings change. Duh - what else would be continuously beeping!  Did I mention that it had been a long day and I was very tired???

Blooper #2 - This one I do often (Skyler has been known to do it also)

                      I bet most of you can imagine this........ rushing through a blood sugar check. There are a variety of reason this happens, I won't get into all of that.  I always feel like a fumbling fool trying to balance the meter, put the strip in, open swab, clean hand, poke, squeeze the hand, suck up the blood, all while not dropping anything and trying to hurry up. Then it happens, blooper #2, I'm still rushing and I pull the damn strip out before the meter has read the blood sugar. Then I have to start the entire process over, so much for hurrying up.

Blog Week Day 2, Letter 2

Dear Pharmaceutical and Medical community,

 Please come up with an easier more efficient way of dosing glucagon. 

                                                                                   Sincerely,
                                                                                    A mother who is scared to leave her child anywhere without her in case she passes out and the person in charge (including myself) has a difficult time fumbling through the process of trying to give her a damn glucagon injection.