How to celebrate??

Skyler and I set a goal after our last visit to the endo to try to have an A1C below 7. At that visit it was 7.4.  The visit before was 7.9.

She was up for the challenge.

I told her that this was a long term goal and we may not reach it right away. Well, we just had a visit and her A1C was 6.9!!  Hooray!!!!!!!! Now I hadn't thought about how to celebrate this accomplishment so I asked Skyler what she thought and she immediately responded "ice cream!" Hmmmmm seems a bit silly to celebrate a great A1C with a treat like ice cream, but she is a kid and she did deserve it so ice cream it was. Two Scoops, chocolate syrup, and rainbow sprinkles!!!

Corn on the Cob

We are heading into summer and I, once again, can not get a grip on corn on the cob. Skyler's blood sugar goes bananas. I have stretched the bolus, I have increased the stretch, I have given a little up front and stretched the rest out, I have increased the up front and stretched the rest. You get the idea. I can't make it work.

Of course, the kid loves corn on the cob!!!

Any advice out there?

 It took me a while to master pizza, but I did after a good long time. Corn on the cob seems to be a tougher battle.

What is Hiding Behind Diabetes?

I have been going through a tough time with diabetes lately. If you read my last post about guilt, that  sums up the main reason for my recent sadness. I can usually pull myself out of D related sadness by being positive and finding the good hiding behind Diabetes.  This time, for some reason, I am taking longer to snap out of it.

In trying to understand and sort out my feelings I turned to my best friend. She is someone who "gets it." She has two healthy, beautiful children and besides Skyler (her Godchild) she does not have any other experience with diabetes. Somehow she "gets it." You know what I mean. She understands how I feel, she understands how difficult diabetes is, she understands what my fears are and how they make me feel. Her and her husband often find themselves in situations where they discuss how Skyler would have to handle, whatever it is, in a different way. She is an advocate for Skyler. She is an advocate for me. She knows me so well and cares so much that she will talk me through my difficult time and then come back to me hours or days later with more advice because she has been thinking about it or researching it.

 I find that most people don't "get it."  Many people think they understand, but they don't really take the time to ask questions, or read about diabetes, or put themselves in our situation. I don't want to waste my time being angry with  people who don't "get it." I would much rather put my time and energy being in awe of, and full of gratitude towards, those who do "get it." I am fortunate to have some of these people in my life.

I am always amazed by the understanding of my best friend, but really it simply comes down to the fact that she cares deeply for myself and my family. She has taken the time to think about our daily lives and because of that, can feel empathy. She pays attention when others are not. She is taking it all in and processing all of the little steps that Skyler and our family take to ensure her health and saftey. It matters to her. Skyler's health matters to her, Skyler's little girl feelings matter to her, and my feelings matter to her. She has also read about diabetes care and management as well as various blogs. She has taken the time to educate herself and to pay attention to myself and Skyler.

I should mention that her and I went to college together, moved to the same small town, married our husbands here, had our children here, and teach together here where our children go to school. Our families are like family, our children are growing up together and will forever have a special bond. Everything happens for a reason and I believe God put her here with me and made sure our paths met because I don't know what I would do without her.

I am working on pulling myself out of this funk.

 As I am looking for the good hiding behind diabetes, I find an unbelievable friendship that many people never have the opportunity to experience. I will never take this for granted and I pray that when she needs me to "get it" that I will.

I hope all of you reading this have someone in your life who "gets it." God knows we all need at least one.

Guilt

I am going through a new stage in the life of diabetes. I, lately, am overcome with guilt. I am putting this out there to the DOC because I wonder if this is common or if it is a feeling unique to me.

 I am a runner, I practice yoga, and I have a nice social life with great family and friends. As a mother I think it is important to make time for myself and the things that are important to me. Taking the time to do things is not what makes me feel guilty. When I am away from my kids they are always in good hands with people that love them.

The guilt has been coming from somewhere else. I find myself getting angry at myself for doing things with ease that would be so hard for Skyler.

I run, sometimes pretty far, but I don't have to consider my blood sugar during my run.  Running is something Skyler can do, but with more planning and prep, and it could prove to be dangerous.

I practice yoga, which would be fine for a diabetic, but lately I have been doing hot yoga (the room is heated to about 90 degrees). I love the class and I feel great after doing it - until the guilt sets in. Hot Yoga is something Skyler can do, but with a lot more planning and prep and it could prove to be dangerous.

I like to enjoy a few drinks with family and friends. Once again, something Skyler can do, but with more planning and prep and it could prove to be dangerous.

I feel guilty that I lived 32 years without the worry and stress of diabetes.  She only lived three years with that privilege. I feel guilty that I was always athletic, and never for one second thought about how lucky I was to be able to do all that I have done with ease.

I feel guilty that my daily life; eating, sleeping, driving, etc. is so much less complicated than my child's life will ever be. Shouldn't that be the other way around!!!!  That makes me feel guilty and so deeply sad.

Now she is old enough to know what my interests and hobbies are and to perhaps take an interest in some of the same things.This makes me wonder if it is unfair to be so active, and do so much, with such ease when everything will be so much harder for her.

Don't get me wrong. I will never stop her from doing anything and I will always help her figure out a way to do whatever it is she chooses. I just can't help feeling guilty that I don't have the same burden to bear.

When I question why God gave it to her and not me I tell myself, and have to believe, that there is a reason why and it has to be a positive reason because God doesn't make mistakes.

I have a very strong faith in God and amazing support from family and friends, but I still can't shake the guilt.

I have been through a variety of emotions attached to diabetes, but this is a new one, and is becoming a little overwhelming.

Blog Week Day 4 By Skyler

I could write a list of things I hate about diabetes that would be about a mile long, but decided to ask Skyler. Her first response was "everything" then I asked her to put a little more thought into it and here is what she came up with:

The Eight Things I Hate About Diabetes and Two Things That Make it Not So Bad

1. Checking my blood sugar when I am having fun.
2. Having to take it (meter and PDM) everywhere with me.
3. Checking every meal time and before I eat a snack.
4. Having to drink so many juices.
5. Changing my site ( the needle).
6. Having to come out of the lake to check my blood sugar.
7. Having to check my blood sugar in school.
8. Having blood drawn once a year.

Two Things that are not so bad

1. Starburst
2. Spending the night in Saratoga when I go to the doctor.

Blog Week Day 3: Two Bloopers

Blooper #1 - This one could have turned ugly, but luckily did not.

                        After a long day I was ready to crawl into bed when all of a sudden I hear beep, beep. I look at my husband and we are both confused. It can't be Skyler I just checked her, we don't have any alarms set, and we don't have a CGM. Hmmmmm. I lay back down. A few minutes later beep, beep. Now I get up and walk through the downstairs of the house and can't find anything beeping. One more beep, beep and it hits me like a ton of bricks!! It is her pump! I suspended it to make a settings change. Duh - what else would be continuously beeping!  Did I mention that it had been a long day and I was very tired???

Blooper #2 - This one I do often (Skyler has been known to do it also)

                      I bet most of you can imagine this........ rushing through a blood sugar check. There are a variety of reason this happens, I won't get into all of that.  I always feel like a fumbling fool trying to balance the meter, put the strip in, open swab, clean hand, poke, squeeze the hand, suck up the blood, all while not dropping anything and trying to hurry up. Then it happens, blooper #2, I'm still rushing and I pull the damn strip out before the meter has read the blood sugar. Then I have to start the entire process over, so much for hurrying up.

Blog Week Day 2, Letter 2

Dear Pharmaceutical and Medical community,

 Please come up with an easier more efficient way of dosing glucagon. 

                                                                                   Sincerely,
                                                                                    A mother who is scared to leave her child anywhere without her in case she passes out and the person in charge (including myself) has a difficult time fumbling through the process of trying to give her a damn glucagon injection.

Dear Family and Friends: Blog week Day 2

Dear Family and Friends,

To those both near and far I want to apologize if I seem distant. I am and I know that, but I have no choice really. The demands of diabetes combined with a job, a family, and some family fun time leave me very little time for anything else. I want you to know that I think of you all often. Those of you who are far away I have become very bad at staying in touch. I want you to know that it is not because I don't think of you, I do often. It is not because I have forgotten those years we spent together, I remember it all. It's not because I have a new life and you no longer matter, you do very much.

For those of you who are nearby I have the same apology. I can't always be there for you the way I used to be, but I try my best. I may miss events in your life, I don't want to, but it's not always possible for us to be there. If I seem more stressed out and not as laid back as I used to be, it's because I'm not. D does not lend itself to a laid back, carefree lifestyle. I apologize to and am thankful to all of you who try to understand.

I am truly blessed to have you all as family and friends.

Love,
Yvette

Admiring Our Differences

I am so busy right now that I wasn't sure  I would be able to participate in blog week this year. Well, I have decided to give it a try and to do what I can.

When I started reading D blogs the first blogs I read were written by adults living with Diabetes. I felt like I was looking into a crystal ball at what my little girls life would be like someday. I appreciate the honesty and integrity with which these adult diabetics write. It gives me a window into the future. I know she has a hard road ahead of her, but because of these blogs I also know that it really will be OK and that her life will be as full and as amazing as she chooses for it to be. I also know that because of these blogs there will be people out there for her to talk to and that they will understand her struggles even better than myself, her Dad, and her brother.

I am forever saying how grateful I am for the technology that keeps my daughter healthy and safe. I am also thankful for the technology that has allowed me to reach out to a group of people that are spread out across the country. There is such comfort and understanding in this DOC and I equally admire all of you who write and share your lives with the rest of us.

Party Prep

Well I have survived two children with strep throat, one of whom has D, and one of whom had asthma type issues to go along with the strep. We are all better now!!!

Since the recovery I have been feverishly trying to figure out a way for us to attend my brother in laws surprise 40th b day party. It will take place about an hour and half away from our home. This is a bowling party in which 70's attire is required. Now for most attendees the figuring out that needs to done is in regards to  pulling off the right outfit. As challenging as that has proven to be for us, the greater challenge is figuring out how to attend and enjoy while keeping Skyler in a safe situation. All of my husband's family members are attending the party, therefore any family or friends who live remotely close to us will be at the party and unavailable for babysitting.

In order for us to go, which we are very much looking forward to, my parents are driving two and a half hours and staying in a hotel with my kids. The hotel is about 1 mile from the party. I have also gone to the web site of the restaurant that they would like to eat at to figure out the best meal. I had the kids choose what they will eat so that carb counting will be easier. They will be in cell phone contact with me throughout the evening. If we decide to party on I can go to the hotel and check in since we will be in the immediate vicinity of the hotel the entire evening. I have the sugar bin packed and ready to go. All this prep and organization (on my part and my parents) and do you think I will feel comfortable and at ease - NOPE.

I Love OMNIPOD!

We just returned from a wonderful week in the Outer Banks of NC. We went with my husbands parents, my husbands brother and his family and our 4+ 1 (diabetes). We rented a big house on the ocean and had a blast.

 All that D packing and organizing was well worth it. We had everything we needed and no major D problems at all. This brings me to the title of this post. I love the Omnipod. I am used to spending the warm months of summer chasing diabetes around like a chicken with her head cut off. Summer fun feels like perpetual motion mothering.

Usually a warm day on the beach meant unplugging from her pump to swim, then plugging back in and correcting the high. Also, an entire day of that usually meant a night of chasing lows and me continuing my perpetual motion mothering all night long. In the summer we spend most of our time on the beach and Sky loves being in the water. This is why we decided to switch to the Omnipod and we are so happy we did!!!! We got the omnipod in September so we hadn't had the summer like experience yet.

So this past week was our first experience with the omnipod in the water and warm sun. She had a few lows, but for the most part was pretty level. I turned her basal rate down in the morning on the hot days and that seemed to allow her to swim and play safely. Her night time readings were great which allowed me to not be in perpetual motion, relax, and enjoy a few drinks.

I am also happy to say that the pod stayed put and didn't need to be changed and more than normal.
D is hard and nothing is going to change that all that much, but the omnipod technology has given us some relief from the stress of managing this disease and I am so grateful for that!!

On a sour note the morning we left poor Skyler had a fever and a sore throat. She was a trooper the entire 12 1/2 hour car ride home. Being sick is bad enough and having diabetes is bad enough, but to be sick with diabetes and stuck in a car for 12 1/2 hours is really rough. She never complained she just asked that we keep driving and get home.  My fingers are crossed that it is not strep throat!!

Out There Alone

Last night Skyler said to me, completely out of the blue,"Ya know mom, pretty soon you'll have to set my alarm for the middle of the night so I can check my own blood sugar."
My immediate mom response was, "No way, your nine!" At which point she asked me how long I would do it for and I said, "I don't know, but at least 18."
To this my husband responded, "I think it better be sooner than that since at 18 she will be somewhere in college."

My heart sank.
I can't even imagine.
How will I ever be able to handle that?
I will call her in the middle of night.
I will automatically wake up at that time anyway, for the rest of my life.
Come on technology move along so she can be safe when she is out there alone!!!





Family Vacation for Five

Yes, if you were thinking there are only four members of their family your right. There are only four members of our family, but diabetes can feel like the third child. The VERY high maintenance child that always wants your attention, never lets you sleep, and requires a lot of equipment. The funny thing in our family is that Skyler, who carries diabetes around all day and night, is the exact opposite of the above description. 

The reason I started thinking about this post is because I am in the process of packing for our spring break vacation. On top of  packing all the clothes, toys, car entertainment, bedding, etc. there is the job of packing the diabetes supplies. I need to think about diabetes for every situation, starting with the drive. We will drive  more than halfway the first day and finish the second day. 

The Sugar Bin

Snacks

We have rented a house with some of our family. Having a kitchen when we go away has become a given for us. It is easier with kids, but especially with diabetes. We will still go out for dinner a few times and we will eat things that we normally don't, but having a kitchen and doing our own grocery shopping is a huge stress reliever. I am pondering bringing the food scale (the salter 1450). I am trying to pack light (as if that is possible), but it really helps to have it. I haven't asked the opinion of anyone else in the family for good reason. When we first got the salter I loved it so much that I commented that I was going to bring it everywhere I went. That comment was met with " Well that's too bad because the rest of us will now never go to a restaurant with you again." (wise ass husband) Then came the comment, "We better watch her closely because she can fit anything in that purse." (wise ass child) I have just decided that I am bringing it!!

The beloved (only by me) Salter 1450

Finally, all the daily supplies!! I have enough pods for about two weeks. Enough insulin for about a month (I'm always afraid I will drop one).Enough strips for a month. I have enough alcohol swabs, uni slove, and preps that I could bathe in them. I have two glucogons that I need to remember to keep out of the hot car. I also have syringes and Lantus, God forbid the pump fails.



After all this packing and organizing along comes Skyler. She plops something down in front of me and says, "Mom, don't forget these they're my favorite"

I mean really, where are my priorities :)







Choices

I spend  a lot of time these days questioning the career choice I made at the age of 18. Don't get me wrong I like being a teacher and I strive to be the best one I can be; however, I don't know that it was the right career choice for me. I think it is hard for  anyone to make the right choice at 18. I often think of the millions of career choices there are out there, and at the age of 18 I went off to college with the goal of being a teacher for the rest of my life. It is 20 years later and sometimes I wish I could go back and explore more options. I could go on for a long time about this, but I won't bore you. The reason I am writing about this is because my sweet little girl is turning 9 tomorrow ( which is just about killing me) and her party last weekend was based on the fact that she wants to be a cake and cupcake baker and decorator when she grows up  ( which is happening too quickly for her mother). Her favorite TV show is DC Cupcakes. For her party we had a local baker come over and teach her and 8 friends how to decorate cupcakes with an under the sea theme. Our baker came with  fondant in a million colors, cool tools, and patience. It was great!!!






                                        

One of Skyler's creations

Skyler,her buddy, and another cupcake creation









There is a point to all of this.


 I can't tell you how many people comment on the fact that she is diabetic and wants to be a baker. "My child has diabetes, but it will not rule her life" is what I want to say. My husband and I made that decision  in the hospital when she was diagnosed. We swore it would never stop her from doing anything she wants. I realize that her career choice could change a million times in the next 10 years, but no matter what it is (as long as it is legal and moral  :) ) she has our full support.  Diabetes or not I believe most parents want their children to live happy, fulfilling lives. If baking and decorating cupcakes makes her happy and she can wake up every morning excited to go to work than to me that is success.

I am asked,  "Wouldn't that be bad for her health?" My response is , "she would need to have self control and not eat everything she makes, but shouldn't anyone in that career follow that advice?" I want to add, "You have no idea how much self control she already has. In a society that centers holidays and rewards on junk food she has regular practice with self control."

I am asked, "Wouldn't it be hard not to eat that stuff all day?" I say, "Yes, I guess for anyone that would be hard." What I want to say is, "Have you been paying attention to how hard diabetes is and the fact that she handles it with such grace?"

Now,  I do have to add that there are MANY people that surround Skyler that have the mentality about diabetes that my husband and I have. These are the people that help us stick to the promise that she will do whatever she wants and we will manage diabetes through it all.

LOW

I didn't know a person could get as low as 28 and not pass out! It was a close call last night. Sky was in the shower and yelled downstairs that she felt low. Luckily, her meter was right next to me and I shot up the stairs. I checked her while she was in the shower and an alarming 28 showed up on the screen!!!! I gave her four glucose tabs (that is what I had with me) and asked her brother to quickly get a juice. His little legs took him downstairs to the pantry and back up in about two seconds. He then explained to us that he knows Skyler doesn't like juice, but he has trouble getting the gatorade out of the plastic ring so he just grabbed the juice. I was glad he knew what to do and to do it so quickly.  Anyway, at this point Skyler was out of the shower, crying, and trembling and I was scared. She sucked down the juice and then laid on the floor and cried. I made her sit up with me and tried to calm her down ( internally freaking out myself!!)  We rechecked and only 38. I gave her two more glucose tabs figuring her blood sugar would now go through the roof. She continued to shake, cry ( more like whimper) and tell me she was starving and I should have made her eat more dinner. When we rechecked she was at 61. Then at least I knew it was coming up.  She calmed down. A little bit later she was 96 and was back to herself. She said she was happy she wasn't shaking anymore and that she wasn't hungry.
I was very surprised that all night the highest she got was 128. I am not sure how this all happened. I went through the PDM to see if I screwed up insulin anywhere, but I can't find anything that would have caused that kind of low. She has been low all day today also. Maybe it is where her site is, but we have never experienced that kind of low from placement of a site.
I started writing this post Monday and ever since the low Sunday night Skyler has been low. She is consistently dropping into the 40's and 50's. I have dropped her basal down to almost nothing and she is still dropping into the 40's and 50's. I am confused!

I'm Back

Hi All - It has been a long time since my last post. Once school started, which means me back to work and both kids back to school, I became extremely busy again. I'm feeling bad about being away so long as you are all so supportive and wonderful. I have checked in on the blogs I just haven't had time to write.

When I left off Skyler was about to get the Omni Pod which she did and it has been great. She loves it and Kevin and I love it also. I was so worried that we would loose the PDM, but we bought a cute bag that holds everything she needs and she carries it everywhere. It's pretty funny to look outside at school and see the male phys ed teacher carrying her flowery purse, which he willingly does with a smile on his face.

It is still very much winter here in the Adirondacks, but we are so looking forward to seeing the two feet of snow  melt away and reveal green grass!!